I've uploaded some new stuff, but since they are not illustration driven I've decided to keep those things seperate from this one.

Feel free to visit ckswartz if you're interested in graphic design, product design and advertising.

Fear not, I won't abandon illustration, but I may upload things much later than expected.
Thanks for reading this.

I'm beginning to think i'm losing the skill that I somewhat grew into.
Ever since I've started paying attention to proportion, colour and perspective I have begun to lose what initially as My skill that i derived from Yoshitaka Amano. That skill was based on surrealism, detail, no matter how deluded it had something to say... an emotion immersed in what I drew... now... I think I've lost a bit of it.

I'm getting so caught up in what others can do that it's pretty much destroying my own creativity. their colours, proportion and near perfectionism feels like it's strangling my ability and beginning to increase my doubts in me. so much that I cannot make a single picture without questioning it's ability to be what it is. it's... upsetting.

I know what my flaws are, i've pretty much always known what they were but kinda thought of it as... well my skill. guess i'm jealous, a little green monster doesn't want to see it's flaws in all it does but cannot ignore it if that is all it sees.

I even doubt my detail. the detail was supposed to be made out of emotion, to describe feeling in visual form but now... i'm getting the idea that they were just used to fill the page.

But that was what made me me. I wanna get the old me back. even if it's not perfect and don't have the skill that others do. I wanna draw like Amano. like i used too... or at least I hope too...

Well not really I’m talking rubbish, it’s Sunday but it feels like a Monday. I wanna play Final Fantasy 8 but I can’t… cus I don’t wanna but I do. I wanna draw but my fingers are too cold to, and my foot agrees with me.

I got a million things to do, but I’ve done most of them and don’t feel like doing the rest, and the rest I just don’t know what they are yet so I’ll wait. I feel like doing somersaults but my chair won’t allow me to. I feel crazy but I’m just imagining it,

cus tomorrows Monday and on Monday I’ll play games again and draw and my feet will agree with me and take me there, I’ll find new things to do that I didn’t before, I won’t do somersaults for fear I could hurt myself and the chair will let me go free again.

Today’s a dream and tomorrow’s reality and nobody knows what tomorrow will bring so I’ll live life as if it were a dream, a beautiful unending dream, where the sky’s green and the mountain isn’t brown, where time doesn’t matter and the world isn’t round.

Where life is green and all the surrounds are grey, when day is really night and every night is laced with the scent of morning dew and with the dew comes the light, and the light is love and love is my beloved.

And so I will end my tale with hopes and dreams fulfilled in the dawning of an unending hopeful painless sun known to me and many only by one name.
Imagination.

Live the dream,
Create a window for others to see.
And watch a new dawn rise.

I seemed to have a disease...
a DisEAsE I tell Ya!!!!
The disease is... that I just can't stop drawin' chibi cute stuff, even when I feel agro at times... it wierd... but I like it

Anywho I wanna draw some chibi dir en grey soon. I really really reaLly ReALly REALLY wanna!!! but I'm lazy But when I start I'ma gonna do a shinya one. cus I don't have a shin-shin in my gallery no more

Plus I also wanna do the stuff I used to do but I can't cus F'in college don't wanna stop givin us work

But when I have time, an I'm not with my bf I will draw my ass off even if it's not healthy or is... I wanna draw dammit!!!!

but the prob is........ when I feel this way, I can't draw to save my life


But I'll be up and about in no time... I hope.
Oh shiet!
I still have work to do.
Bai bai!

He really is my lil angel now, he used to make me feel special just by being there. I miss him dearly... havin' friends an my boyfriend makes it a lil bit easier but you still miss that hairy lil bundle of cuteness, those cute oinks and that laziness he had... my bubble baby.

I should get over this but it's tough... It's not good pickin' fav's but I did an I lost him too, so I just wish I could have him back...

I'm sorry I couldn't update or comment lately, haven't had much time.
An when I do, I kinda just wish it away cause I used to spend that time with my baby...

Anywho... I'll get better with time... or well... I'll try to
Thanks for stoppin by...